thought prologue.

I'm not good enough. I'm not. And I will most probably never be close to even just the word "enough". If I were, I wouldn't have lost my way right now when everything is about to end. I want to believe that weakness is the cause of these hesitations and doubts, but no, I can't lie to myself that even my capabilities have limitations. I want to push harder and become stronger so that I can do more than I can handle, but the finishing line seems to stray further away whenever I engage a new muse. I'm pathetic. I'm 21 and... I don't know which direction I want to go in life. My vision never wavered but the way I get there certainly did.

Everything around me is falling apart, I'm too exhausted to think, too sad to be happy and rather be alone most times. I have adjusted to the very fact that I'm just an average person like everyone else. There's no spark in anything I see right now...It's like I've lost something. something important.

Maybe motivation is the word, perhaps purpose. I don't see any significant reason to change my life around, to make me want to move forward more than ever. What happened? What happened? ... Maybe I'm just weak.

Or maybe I just don't want to accept that someone like me can back down from what I've always hated in people, weakness. I don't want to be like them. I don't want to be just another face on the street. I want to get stronger. I want to be someone no one can ever forget. I want to do big things in my life, achieve great heights, conquer towering burdens. I want to change how things work. It's not that I am not conscious that I may be a little bit weaker nowadays.

But... just maybe I want to do all that despite being weak.